Thursday, October 28, 2010

B!t#h, you ain't no model!

This stems from a post a friend put on FB earlier today.  "Vote for me for model of the week", what?!?!?  I click through the photo album and all I see are half naked females in bikinis or towels tooting their asses in the air, with that "look back at it" stare and "pucker" lips in the pictures.  Not to mention, most of the pics are self-portraits done in the bathroom mirror with randomness all in the background, i..e cases of water, B & BW lotions, dirty towels, lil kids, personal hygiene boxes, etc.  Are you serious?!  I am trying to raise two, not one but two girls in this type of society?!?  I would ask the question of "where's the decency or self-respect?" but I already know the answer  . . . it was lost decades ago.  Basically, after the "free love" movement of the late 70s, we have become more and more liberal with our views on what is classy or trashy. Now I will admit, as a man, I oogle and Google (cut the check!) at these pics from time to time, because I love women (see earlier post); but even I know when enough is enough.  Looking at those pictures on a public website (no strict privacy settings) was almost equivalent to free porn!!  And these chicks consider themselves models?!!??  Merriam-Webster (check please) has multiple meanings for the word and the one I believe these women are trying to achieve is simply stated : (n) one who is employed to display clothes or other merchandise.  I ask you followers, what merchandise or clothes are these women trying to be employed to display?!?!?!?  Ass and titties?  SUMA panties?!  (String Up My Ass panties), or are they selling the random crap in the background?  I'm not an expert but to me that seems like a botched marketing plan.  As I mentioned earlier, I am trying to raise little girls to be respectable, respected women.  I let them know it's not what you look like, it's how you act and carry yourself that moves you forward in life.  In short, the definition I want them to abide by is: (n) an example for imitation or emulation. They should strive to be something that someone else wants to be, not strive to be something that someone else is trying to be.  I know I might have confused some, but just think about it.  


The realest sh!t I ever wrote.

From this day forward, I will no longer be concerned or bothered with the minor issues of others.  I will always lend a ear and provide that shoulder to cry/lean on but, I will not lose sleep, offer advice, buy a drink or even refer you to anyone that might be an expert (other than prayer and the Bible).  It might seem cold and callous of me to be making this declaration, but I feel it is necessary.  Being an outwardly selfish but inwardly caring and selfless individual (some may disagree) has started to take its toll on me and my happiness.  All these years growing up with my dad and seeing how he doesn't sweat the small stuff has finally sank in and  I realize now why he has patterned his life in that manner.  It used to trouble me that he didn't show more concern or talk more or even just be more involved in our lives as a family . . . makes sense now.  He made sure we had everything that we needed and some of what we wanted as long as we followed the rules he established.  He and my mother had an understanding that anything  "fun" or "not necessity" would be taken care of by her.  At times, I hated him for being that way.  I wanted my dad to take me places, play catch with me (more than just once), invite me on fishing trips, actually show me how to fix cars (instead of my mom making me go outside and watch him), but that wasn't him.  Please don't get me wrong, I don't want to completely be like my father in that aspect.  I will continue to be that father you can talk to, that shows up at school for lunch, takes you out to eat for special occasions or just plays video games with you just for fun.  I guess what I am declaring today is, I will not be a pawn for those that do not appreciate the extra things that I do for them.  My kids are very grateful and love even the little things I do for them- even if they don't know all that I do, they understand- even lil Zoe.  It's the older people in my life that I am applying the "willie" philosophy to and changing my approach.  As the old adage goes, "do unto others, as you would have them do unto you";  is it possible to apply this to your life if you are dealing with someone that isn't on the "same page" with you in regards to communication, consideration and respect?  This may seem like a rant to some, but I feel better revealing this to the world. 


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Cranial Arousal . . . Release

Ok, so I lied.  I told a good friend of mine (that does not know how much I value our relationship) that I was inspired to start blogging from a previous blog I read, completely unrelated to hers.  I did not want her to know that she was a major factor in the decision for me to take this step.  When I sit back and think about it, I try not to make it that much of a big deal but . . .  it is!  If you think about it, M.A.N. is my way of telling the world (the world, Craig) what's on my mind.  All or nothing . . . meaning, I will eventually get to the point where I keep nothing from my followers.  Speaking of followers, I don't have any at this time because I have yet to publicize my entries.  I mentioned to my sister and my friend that I started a blog but I didn't give the site address (i guess i'm not completely ready to be a M.A.N.).  As I mentioned previously, I plan to reveal a lot about myself and the things that go on in my life in this blog.  Ups, downs, questions, answers and anything else that just comes to mind and I need to express.  I've even loaded the app for my blog on my phone, in the event I'm out somewhere and something strikes me to share with the world (or the followers I have yet to acquire).  So as I sit here and listen to the G.O.O.D Friday music from Yeezy, I am inspired to come clean and reveal my blog to the masses.  I feel like Kanye has been through so much and he has used those experiences to help him achieve his dream and his talent is amazing (and nooooo matter what you'll never take that from meeeee).  I hope by me revealing things in my blog and sharing my life with followers; it will enable me to learn from them and gain more insight or at least be able to move on because I have "gotten it out my system".  Well, before I go, I want to say to my good friend (who will remain nameless), thank you for inspiring me to open up and release. 

Judge not lest ye be judge first.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Til the end of time . . .

I am not sure why I chose this specific title for this entry but, it just seemed befitting.  There are not many things that I can think of that I would love, like or even want to to "'til the end of time" so where does that saying come from? 

As I was jogging my 2.36 miles yesterday (day 4 of working out), I was thinking of things I enjoy doing . . . eating, joking around, internet surfing (my form of reading), movies, watching football, spending time with family and friends, etc.  All of these activities are great but only in moderation.  I can not imagine myself doing one or all of these things all the time.  That's when I began to ponder is there anything that I could enjoy doing "til the end of time".

Commonly used, most refer to that phrase when they speak of loving someone.  I can agree with that because, love, is an emotion more than an activity (I'm not referring to love-making-pervs!).  I definitely see myself loving someone or multiple people "til the end of time", but that's not what I am searching for. 

Even the fun I had as a teenager and in my 20s was great but, those activities being some "til the end of time"-type ish . . .highly unlikely.  Not only would I probably be dead or in jail, I just don't think a thirty-something person should be living off their parents, smoking 6-7 blunts a day, drinking fifths of whatever, 12-packs of this and trying to "poke" every attractive (and sometimes not so attractive) member of the opposite sex they encounter.  It sounds fun but . . . believe me it gets old. 

I guess I should just be satisfied with the fact that I have lived a life with its share of excitement and disappointment.  Although, there is nothing that I can think of that I can see myself doing "til the end of time" (even though lying on a white sand beach with various women-no kids and a lifetime supply of food and beer, sounds good), I thank God for the ability to live each day and try new things.  Because without new experiences, what would be the reason to look forward to a new day?


Saturday, October 23, 2010

No explanation . . .

Went to church this morning with the wife, youngest daughter and my sister.  Great message.  Basically, God doesn't need to explain his actions or what he does.  The Bible doesn't have to explain the how and the why to the acts of God.  Just know that he is omnipotent and let your faith rest on that knowledge.  Whatever he wants to do or feels needs to be done in our lives . . . he will/can do it.  Just ask. 

*Judge not lest ye be judged first*

Friday, October 22, 2010

Role Playing

What's my role in this _ that we have?
  Am I the provider?  
Am I the confidant?
Am I the one that provides the things you need and want?
Is it's the latter?
Then it would also be the first
Food, gas, utilities . . .sheeet, even a purse.
But wait, let's not stop there
I cook,
I clean,
I work, 
I even iron all our shirts. 
What's my role in this _ that we have? 
I am trying to understand from your point of view. 
I know that there is a give and take, 
A compromise, if you will. 
But it seems as if it's me giving and you taking, 
and that just ain't cool.
This is just a small insight to the creases in my brain. 
My love has changed but it still remains.
Two girls and a wife, 
Some would brag about that life. 
I ain't tryin to say it sucks but, 
It's hard to say there ain't strife.
Not in the physical form cause that ain't me by far.
But in a mental sense of conflict where things just ain't the way they were. 
What's my role in this _ that we have?
I can play your part and mine and do it with ease
But I would rather share the load . . . 
With just you and me.

*Judge not, lest ye be judged first*

Have my cake . . .

I love girls, girls, girls, girls . . . We all know the tune.  Most men admit to it and some know how to deal with it.  Even after marriage, it is still something that seems to haunt us . . . ALL OF US!  Since the beginning of documented history, men have had multiple female "friends", some with benefits and few without.  Don't get me wrong this is by no means an argument for the previous or the latter, it is merely a rant on the topic.  What is cheating?  What is faithfulness?  Whose idea was it for man (or woman) to just be with one mate for the rest of their life?  As long as I can remember, I have had a list of things attributes my "perfect" woman would have and when I found those things . . . it was ON!!  Over time, I have discovered it is all an illusion.   A facade if you will. Can one person truly give you all that you need in life to be happy?  If you and your mate were stranded on a deserted island for 18 months, with no outside interactions or communication, would it make you stronger or pull you apart?   Does having friends, a job, kids or other outlets and things that give you "space" from your mate allow you to have a longer relationship?  In the Bible, a lot of the men that were used by God had a wife and several mistresses . . . does this make them sinners? Were they wrong for how they lived?  God still saw fit to use them for the purpose he placed them on this earth, so what made their actions "unfit" or "illegal" for modern society?  Most men get married because that woman is the best thing that ever happened to them (or that's how they feel at that time) and she makes him feel great.  I equate that to a fresh baked cake that you get to smell, touch and sometimes put a slice on your plate.  Men tend to "cheat" because they don't feel loved, are underappreciated, can't experiment sexually or all of the above.  I equate that to being able to eat that cake.  The thing about it, once you "eat" the thing you have been craving, lusting, and feel like you were being deprived of for so long . . . it's gone and it's hard to get that warm feeling back again.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

One small step for M.A.N.

I did it!  I went to the gym, had a great workout and now I'm back at home.  Congratulations to me on this small (but big) accomplishment.   Carry on friends.

***UPDATE***  I ran on the treadmill yesterday for the first time in a long time (I normally run through my neighborhood) and it took me a little over 20 mins. to do under 2 miles.  I am disappointed but hopeful. 

Fallin' off

Don't expect this to be something that will happen all the time.  I think the novelty will eventually wear off and I will start seeing this "airing of the mind" as a chore more than a leisure activity.  Until then, enjoy the cap being off the hydrant!  I have not been to the gym or done any type of exercise (other than the occasional dumbbell arm curl) in over a month!   Actually, I believe it's been almost two months! I got off my normal routine when my daughter came back from her "vacation" with my mother and school started back for her.  So, it was officially 2mos on Friday the 15th.  Today I declared I would not sit around and let the laziness overcome me and I have to get it together!  See, I had a system.  I would workout after work, come home cook for my wife and our youngest daughter, relax and chill.  This was during the time when she and I would alternate days to watch the little one while the other was going for a run, using the community gym (apt. living) or doing Insanity (that was her thing, not mine . . . Sean T. is crazy).  But, after school started back, I kept it up for a while then I realized she wasn't motivated to stay in shape anymore and things that were happening around her were causing her to be distracted and depressed (you ladies know what that leads to) and that's when I fell off.  I was trying to be a caring husband and not leave her alone with the girls while I would be gone for an hour or so just to keep myself looking good and feeling good.  It became difficult to get the workout in before I picked the girls up from school because I would have to rush and get to school all sweaty and stank (not a good look for my 7-yr old).  So I stopped and became a complacent (albeit disgruntled) couch potato.  Well, that's it!  I'm done making excuses, I am getting back in the gym today and no one or nothing is gonna stop me!!    I will let you know how if this works!

No turning back . . .

Welcome, to the first installment of what goes on in my head and all the randomness that is Memplanta.  I have been thinking about blogging for a few years but, only recently have I decided to act upon this notion.  I mentioned to my wife, "maybe you should start a blog.  you know, to get out the things that you don't feel like discussing or telling me about" (of course, i was thinking- i would find her blog, and be kept abreast [no pun intended] of the things that are on her mind).  To no avail, she declined.  Another communication attempt thwarted by lack of motivation and drive.  Well, I don't want this to start off as a FML session, riddled with complaints and depressing anecdotes that no one cares about, so I will change the subject. Better yet, I will end this entry on that note . . . I can feel my innards heading in that negative direction and I ain't pulling no one in on that.