Tuesday, November 16, 2010

How does your garden grow?

I see this is becoming an epidemic not only in Atlanta but across the country.  Successful, black, intelligent, SINGLE women with no valid prospects for marriage.  You might say, "well, what do you mean by that?"  It is what it is . . . just read it again.  On my way to work as I was venting about a situation to myself in the car, I realized it's not necessarily the fault of the woman.  Nor the fault of the man, alone.  It is a joint issue that must be address in order to be resolved.  The  women of my topic generally want a man that can supplement them in every way (notice I said supplement- in the sense of 'extend or strengthen the whole') but have a hard time finding a man that is at that point where he is ready or able to do what it takes when she is ready.  The key words are again 'when SHE is ready', most men develop at a slower pace than women thus might need some pushing, or encouragement.  I am not saying that in order to have a thriving relationship you must raise the man; but I am saying you must treat him and your relationship like a garden . . . give it what it needs to grow and it will in turn give you what you need and sometimes want.  I know a boatload (more like a canoe) of "topic women" that are single and look at me like "i was the one that got away" (thanks Kanye); but what a lot of them don't realize is, my wife didn't give up.  At times she probably thought, I didn't fit into her "five-year" plan or I was hindering her ability to grow but she continued to water and fertilize the garden.  I guess it's a case of, how bad do you want it?  I am not saying women should settle for any man they can get and hope and pray he will turn out to be "that man" with a little work . . . men have to at least be willing and ready to be planted.  Initially, I wasn't and I resisted.  I eventually came around and began to see the vision and what could be accomplished if I get on board and stop trying to be a playa (that's another topic for another day . . . it piggybacks off this one heavily).  So as men, we need to strive to be more than entertainers, athletes, trap stars, or live without attainable goals.  If a woman can see the potential in you to do more and be more . . . allow it to manifest.  Don't see it as her trying to change you or make you who she wants you to be.  Maybe she realizes she has a good thing in you and wants to nurture you and help you to grow to be more of what she knows you can be.  If you think of all the successful black men that you might know or know of . . . most of them got there or are in the process of getting there because of a woman . . . not so much  because of their homeboys.  Even if it was their mother or Madea (R.I.P), women sometimes have more gumpshun than men.  So as I close these thoughts and let you go back to your own . . . let me leave you with this:  are you doing all that you can to make your life and the life of your significant other better? 


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